Bursting at the Seams

I have a lot to say today. I will write everything in a section, so if you don't like the first line of the section, feel free to skip ahead. There are words inside of me that are threatening to come out. Emotions that I can no longer suppress. Ready or not, here they come.

Song of the Day: Your Heart is an Empty Room by Death Cab for Cutie. I don't know why, but in every step I took today, I heard that song. Probably because I had it on repeat on my ipod, but also because no matter where I was, or what I was doing, that song fit my mood. Step, step, click, click, I walked down the halls of my school and that song weaved in and out of my every motion. If my life were a movie, here are a couple of songs that would make the soundtrack, right now:

Your Heart is an Empty Room-Death Cab

Crooked Teeth-Death Cab

What Sarah Said-Death Cab

Jar of Hearts-Christina Perri

Gravity-Sara Bareilles

Still Hurting-The Last Five Years

Mr. Brightside-The Killers

Yellow-The Vitamin String Quartet

I suppose I should explain my choices, but I think they speak for themselves. Except Mr. Brightside. I just love that song no matter what

my mood.

I almost fell to my death today in the school parking lot.

I was walking on the ice that covers the cold, hard, insensitive ground so unevenly, and I was in mid-sentence and sucking on a cough drop when my right foot shot out unexpectedly

and I let out a shriek while simultaneously almost choking on the stupid cough drop keeping me alive at the moment. My friend Angelica and I burst into fits of laughter as I grabbed hold of her elbow in order to keep my balance. She and I could not stop laughing as it were, because falling and tripping and otherwise having a constant battle with gravity, has always been my weakness.

Ah Italy. I have this deep yearning in my heart to visit or possibly live there someday.
Angelica and I had a conversation about it in class today. Something about Italy just calls to me. And I want it. I want the language, the food, the atmosphere, the architecture, the villas, the everything! Gelatos! I want gelatos! Anyway, our teacher kept saying the word Italy in our lesson today, and even just hearing the word Italy being spoken by another human being sent a flutter of butterflies rioting in my stomach. I love that place. How could you not love that place? I mean look at it....

Backtracking a little, I wanted to touch on the subject of ice again.
I had to cross my Aunt's notoriously steep driveway today in order to retrieve my little cousin's "ba-ba" (her blanket) and I kept slipping on the stupid ice that was so intent on sending me to my demise this very day. I found though, that stepping on the small parts of solid ground peeking up through the satanic ice, helped stabilize me enough to make it up the driveway.

It's a lot like life. There are points where you slip and slide and try and try to shove your way up the stupid hill that is life, and all that helps you along the way, are the very small, but very real patches between the stupid.

I then thought about how you can compare just about anything to life. Like how you can compare checking the mail to life: you never know who or what is going to come, and whether they bring good or bad. Or brushing your hair: there are many tangles and snarls on the way, but with hard work and a lot of detangler, things will be alright. (Or maybe that just occurs with my hair.) Or perhaps writing a book report: waiting until the last minute, will never get you anywhere.

How come no one ever says what they mean?
How come our most honest and heartfelt thoughts, our most human thoughts, are regarded as rude and offensive? Like if you are asked your opinion, why not just say, "No, I don't like that." Or if you honestly feel for someone, tell them. So many wasted moments in our lives! No one says what they actually want to say. We all wait for someone to say it for us. Then if someone actually does, we think, hey, that was kind of rude. I'm glad it wasn't me. Now, this is actually kind of hypocritical of me to say because I am the kind of person who wouldn't tell the truth if I knew it would hurt the person. But I'm all for the confessing the love or telling someone to change their life. Or offering a breath mint.

What could you do, if you were not afraid?

What could I do everyday if I was not afraid? What if I wasn't so scared of being judged? Rejected? What if I wasn't so scared of being caught? What if I just lived my life and made myself happy and just did things? What could you do everyday if you were not afraid? Who would you say things to? What would you say? What would you accomplish? How many more things could you accomplish if you stopped living life in fear of someone or something or yourself?

I have a lot on my mind. I want to write. I want to write like 50 poems and express the nostalgia I feel. I want to let it all loose. I don't know how right now. Everything is all bottled up and threatening to explode.

Expect poetry soon.

Much Love & Spontaneity,

Katherine