If Only.

If only I had the time, I would share the epiphany I had yesterday.
If only I had the time, I would be done with my homework and asleep.
If only I wasn't a procrastinator, I wouldn't be on here.
If only my belly was full, I'd probably be happier.


If only.


Much Love & Responsibility,

Katherine

Lies.

Don't ever believe anything they tell you.

It's all a lie.

Take A Step Back.

Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy.

When I think of all the things that I have to do, want to do, and get to do, I get so overwhelmed.

It's like my mind is a million years ahead of my body and I think of all my hopes and dreams and visions of who I want to be and my future and then all of a sudden in "Katherineland" where everything is peachy keen and no one cries, Reality decides to rear its ugly head and I get smacked in the face with all the bad things that happen to hopefuls like me.

I wish I was a little more resilient. A little less perceptible to the earthquakes of change that rock through Katherineland and leave a path of depression and destruction.

But you know, I think that one day, maybe someday soon I will be good at living my life fully and not holding on so tightly to everything and being able to let go and say good-bye when it needs to be said.

And until then, Katherineland will stand tall against all the earthquakes that life sends, while fully embracing everything that life can be.

Much Love & Luck,

Katherine

A Heart that Hurts, Is A Heart that Beats

There is little as painful
as a lover's good-bye,
As my eyes full of tears
and all the reasons why
hang heavy in my heart,
no matter how hard I try,
I know that my lover,
is the best at good-bye.

Weathering the Storm.

It would come with subtle warnings.
The shift in the air.
The taste of tears.
The knowledge that nothing would ever be the same.
The sun would begin to set earlier,
the wind would pick up,
the sky would turn to gray.
Rain would fall,
then soon after,
snow.

And alone, with no one to protect her from change,

she would watch and feel it all.

Summer Days.

Isn't she a wonderful photographer?


Much Love & Sunshine,

Katherine

Drown Out the World

Her thoughts flew around her mind like
lazy birds attempting to find a
place to land... or even
make a home.
But her mind kept barking
commands and sending them
scattering.

So she lay there,
her world spinning around her,
life waiting for no one; humanity
continuing without a second glance.
In this moment, she felt like
no one.

And still,
life went on.

Ballet Thursday.

This class was 2 hours instead of the usual hour and a half class on Tuesdays.

Why?

Conditioning. Like real, live, conditioning. Ladders, hopping across the floor, ab workouts....the whole deal.

Apparently I struggle with 5th position. I'm tired of using, "It's been almost a decade since I last *insert ballet move here*" as an excuse for my failure. I'm just going to say, "That's how I wanted to do 5th position today. So if I happen to change it next time, that's how I wanted it."

You know what I kept thinking the entire time I was dancing?

Who invented leotards anyway?

I've never met an article of clothing that can flatten a chest, while simultaneously giving my booty an unnecessary boost AND enhancing my thighs.
For only $23.95, you too can look like a pear!


Much Love & Practice,

Katherine

Ballet Tuesday.

I know it's Wednesday. But I went straight from Ballet yesterday to work.
Before I even start this post, just remember: I haven't been in a Ballet class since I was 10. I've done Hip-Hop and Ballroom since then, but no Ballet. I had my first Ballet class in 7 years yesterday.


I don't know what I was expecting.
I mean, did I really go into class thinking, "As soon as I put these Ballet shoes on I will be able to speak French fluently and suddenly become a better dancer than the Prima Ballerina at the Kirov Ballet." *Sparkle, sparkle, curtsy, thank you, thank you! Muwah!*

All I know is that during barre exercises my right ankle began to complain, then in the middle of glissades my calf started seizing up and I just thought, "No...no! Bad calf! You will NOT have a charley horse now. Please no." Then by the time we started doing grand jetes across the floor I felt like jelly.

It didn't help that my feet were all, "Hey let's just do whatever we want."
I was thinking, "Run, run, run, right, run, run, left, run, run, right, arabesque."
My feet went, "Run, run, run, half-run, which foot? Um, right, run, run, run, crap! left foot? run, run, run, run, half-run, left, ah! no right! Craptastic arabesque followed by a shameful walk to the corner to do it again."

For some reason I pictured this going differently. Something like after one class I suddenly remembered everything I had missed in the past 7 years? I just wanted to be like that 92 year old woman who graduated from college you know? Start something with all odds against you and conquer it. That's proving much harder to do. Especially when your teacher corrects you with the sentence, "At your age you should be able to *insert basic move in French that I've long forgotten here*"

Slap! Sigh. Like I don't already know I should know this "at my age."
This is really making me wish I didn't quit when I was 10. I could've had 7 whole years between then and now to be awesome.

Now, I'll probably become one of those mothers who lives vicariously through their daughters and won't let her quit dancing because I regret my personal decision while neglecting her opinion and letting her live her life the way she wants to, therefore destroying our relationship because "she's not me" and "this is my dream not hers."


My Dream Before Class: Get good enough to join a Company later in life

My Dream After Class: Survive...


I think I'll go stretch some more now. I need some serious work.

Much Love & Sore Feet,

Katherine