Flibbertygibbet

I have this feeling.

This feeling that rips through my torso so suddenly that it takes my breath away.
But not in a good way.
It hurts.
It tears me apart.
It makes my eyes water.
It makes my heart numb.
It makes me nauseous.

Perhaps it makes me endure all of those things because it is a combination of so many different feelings. It's an amorphous rag-tag group of rebels that insist I cannot be happy.

Rage, Jealousy, Hopelessness, Longing, Heartbreak, Sadness, Nostalgia, Depression, Loneliness...they all try their hardest to hit me at the most inopportune moments.
But the problem is, I let them come into my life. I welcome them with open arms like old friends. I ask them how they've been and they sneer jeeringly. They smirk and ask me in return why I have any reason to be happy. Why do I deserve to smile. Why in the world am I even worth the time of anyone. But, in spite of all of this, I greet them with smiles and accept them. I accept them because they help me remember.

With all the tears and awful pains, they remind me that what I had before,

it was real.










In other news:

I have the greatest father in the world.
You cannot argue.
He is the best.
He just is.