What is Happening?

I ask myself questions everyday.
I wonder about certain things everyday.
I wish that he loved me.
Everyday.

It's a bit late to be wishing and wanting things. I mean. 1:04am?

Desperate? Pathetic? Yes.
Hurt? Broken? Yes.

What is going on?
I was so sure of myself yesterday. Why can't I just banish self-doubt? Gone. Just go away.
Also, I wish I could banish boys.
I think being a nun in Italy sounds great right now.
Better than school.
Better than any messy relationship.
Better than cold, winter months.
Better than sad songs on repeat.
Better than wishing, wishing things would change.
Better than crying so much and hoping someone hears.
Better than swollen eyes hidden behind layers of makeup, praying no one notices.
Better than dragging yourself to school and knowing he doesn't think about you.
Better than having to deal with everything, all at once.

I should really like to leave now.
Now.
Run away.
Hide from the world. No one understands.
No one really gets it.
Tomorrow I will try so hard to be happy. I will just let go.
Is that really the key?
I don't know anymore.
My thoughts tend to get all jumbled at 1:10 am.

Good-night.




That quote.
My life story right now.
What should I do?



Much Love & Confusion,
Katherine